(via qirawan-madridista)

I do not spew profanities. I enunciate them clearly, like a fucking lady.

(Source: perfectioninimperfection, via closer-than-thiss)

it could be raining men and id still be single

(Source: humor-us, via neymardasilva-)

The world is going to end in less than two weeks and im a virgin 

im going to die a VIRGIN.

(Source: gifs-from-movies, via pelandusca)

we were in the car and my dad was all like “if all the other kids jumped off a bridge would you” and I was like “yeah cause there’d be a huge pile of bodies to land on” and he starting choking and almost swerved off the road

(Source: caslovesdeanandbees, via fuckyourprejudice)

i love being american because we get two days off of school to eat and shop 

I love being canadian because we have health care, gay rights, cultural acceptance, beniefts to our education system, the Good Samaritan law, and oh yeah, romney didn’t almost take over our country

i love being american because we get two days off of school to eat and shop

(via smokestep)

no one ever lets me give them a piggyback ride

they’re just like “i might break you”

no you foolish mortal

i have the strength of a thousand horses

please, place yourself upon my back

(Source: believed, via avengemecaptain)

You haven’t experienced awkward until you try to tickle someone who isn’t ticklish.

(Source: kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirk, via fuckyourprejudice)